Sometime around the end of the year we usually find out that The Dictionary People have added some special new words for their next editions to reflect the way the language has developed. I'm not quite sure why this is always such big news - adding new words is pretty much the entire point of a dictionary, and it's not like there's a big news story every year saying that a MAP has added some new streets - so I thought I'd instead suggest some words we can start getting RID of next year.
The first of these words is "TRUMP" as in "DONALD". GOOD LORD how I long for January 20th when he STOPS being President and we can finally all know the blessed relief of NOT waking up every morning wondering what world-endangering idiocy he's dreamt up to get our attention that day. I mean, I know there doubtless still WILL be idiocy every day from him, for LO! such is the way of idiots, but at least it won't be gently nudging us towards the APOCALYPSE quite so much.
Similary I very much look forward to the word "BREXIT" not being in the vocabulary so much. I found myself surprisingly RELIEVED on Christmas Eve when the "deal" finally got agreed - not because it is a GOOD deal, as it manifestly is NOT, especially compared to the ACTUAL deal we had as part of the EU and not even compared to the lies that our own idiocracy are trying to put around, but it did at least mean I could stop worrying about the entire country grinding to a miserable lettuce-free halt quite so quickly. In the couple of weeks or so since then I have found myself MUSING upon STOCKPILING and thinking "Oh hang on, we don't need to do that now", which has been LOVELY.
"Stockpiling" is another one - not that I have ever stockpiled of course, I have MADE PREPARATIONS. Other people have stockpiled, and we've all done it because of those idiots PANIC BUYING. These are three ENTIRELY different things, and hopefully we won't need to worry about them QUITE so much in 2021.
We don't seem to be losing the words "LOCKDOWN" or "COVID" just yet, but OH MY LORD I hope we do by the end of the year - sorry, I mean by mid-February, or Easter, or whenever it's supposed to be now (I haven't checked the news in half an hour so it's probably changed). With any luck we'll all be saying "VACCINE" a lot more, but if that works (and the aforementioned idiots don't mess up the rollout process - possibly a forlorn hope) then we can start getting back to... well, not "normal", I sincerely hope we get some CHANGE out of all of this, so let's instead say we can get back to THE PUB.
And finally, I hope we lose the words "BORIS" and "JOHNSON" this year, and that The Tories do the one and only thing they're actually good for i.e. getting rid of Tory Prime Ministers. I'm sure the next idiot to come along will be just as bad, but it will at least mean we'll have less torturously stupid bloody METAPPHORS to wade through. I flipping LOVE metaphors, but the way he manhandles them makes me want to stick to plain English.
In summary then, I'm sure that the coming year will be full of wobbles, weirdness and problems so far unforseen, but I do hope that most of the ABOVE will come to be a thing of the past by this time next year. If it turns out that Donald Trump is STILL President in 2022, and we're all stockpiling because Covid meant we had to DE-and then RE-Brexit under Prime Minister for Life Johnson, then I will take it all back!
An animal that says "oink" - TORY has too many letters!
Anyway I too hope we will be saying PUB a lot more in 2021 (and not just as in "I wish we could go to the pub").
All the best Mark. See you soon. posted 5/1/2021 by Gareth